The slumber party slasher sub-sub-genre may be my favorite ever. You get the unrealistic, albeit amazing, situation where a bunch of at least slightly attractive females spend the night together getting naked, having pillow fights, and getting picked off one by one. What’s not to love? Some would say The Last Slumber Party is what’s not to love about the genre, but for me this is one of the most underrated so-bad-it’s-good movies of all time.
A mental patient armed with the weakest weapon I can think of, a scalpel, escapes from the hospital and no one really seems to care. There’s even a conversation between the nurse and the doctor (who is the main girl’s father) before he escapes where the nurse says the patient would kill him if they cut out his brain and he says, “That’s exactly why we have to do it.” After he threatens murder no precautions are taken and he literally walks right out the front door.
Coincidentally the day he escapes is the last day of school and it’s time to get wild! Introducing our leading skanks: There’s the prude, who is of course the hottest of the bunch and the one least likely to strip, and then there’s her hideous and slutty friends. They attempt to pass off as high school students but no one is buying that for a second. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the guys in the movie look like they range from the ages 25 to 39 and they are the biggest bros in the world. All they do is make fun of a nerd in school by calling him “Science” and try to get these girls into bed. As if you needed any further proof that they were worthless bros, at one point, as one of them is climbing through the girl’s bedroom window, he says he can’t fit because his dick is too big!
“Yeah, dude, she’s not wearing a bra, bro!”
The plot centers around a slumber party where the girls cock tease the guys while the one’s mom sleeps upstairs. The dad is away from home just chilling at the hospital. Instead of worrying about the killer that’s on the loose, all he worries about is bringing home orange juice for his bitchy wife. Why the hell does she want orange juice that bad? Who seriously needs to drink orange juice in the middle of the night and can’t wait till the morning? Psycho.
One by one the girls will go have sex with the bros, but decide to take a shower beforehand and get killed. It happens at least twice, if not three times. One of the most bizarre scenes/fake-outs in the history of cinema features “Science” climbing through the window out of nowhere looking like the actual killer and killing one of the bros with a scalpel. In the background the actual killer pops up from behind the bed like “What the fuck?!” That really pisses him off and he runs and massacres Bill Nye the Science Guy.
“ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!”
The editing in that scene is so confusing and terrible words cannot do it justice. Just watch it for yourself:
Later, one of the other bros is killed and wrapped up in a blanket. His girlfriend begins to look and can’t find him so she says, “He took the bed spread. I think he must have gone to sleep outside.” Nice fucking try. Are you serious? How could someone write that and be like, “Yep, that’s good.” It’s like they didn’t even try. Why would he be sleeping outside for no reason?!
The movie continues to remain enjoyable because of some really funny and cheesy lines like, ” Let’s go wrestle up some ‘menfolk’. I’m going to the kitchen to munch out!” and “Like yeah. Like wow, man. Mellow out!” There’s also an insane amount of ridiculous and over-the-top homophobia from the girls in the movie. It’s pretty funny, actually. Not because I support that, but because it feels so out of place and strange. Randomly one of the girls will be like, “Where’d that faggot go?” And each one says “homo” and “queer” about 20 times. The director was a closet homosexual, obviously. Keeping with the hilariously over-the-top sexism, one of the girls asks to be excused and one of the bros replies, “No! Just because you live here doesn’t mean you can just do whatever you want around this place.” Completely out of nowhere he puts her in her place!
The movie became so terrible during some parts, though, that Dabeedo and I began arguing about which of the hideous girls had bigger boobs. It was a new low for VHShitfest. Picture Tim drooling, passed out on the couch with his body hanging half off and a Coke spilling onto my couch, and me screaming, “No, the rat face girl has bigger tits!” It was just pitiful.
Pretty soon each one of the characters has been killed except for the main girl and her father (who still isn’t home with that orange juice!). The main girl and the killer end up battling and somehow both wind up passed out on the ground. You don’t know who is dead and who isn’t. Then the screen goes black.
I immediately started talking about how little sense the ending of this movie made, but before I could finish they somehow made it even more confusing. It cuts back from black and first, you see the dad killed at the hospital in an elevator. Then, he is magically floating face down in the family swimming pool. His daughter awakens and dives in to try to save him, but guess who’s in the water? Crazy eyes! He cuts her throat, but then she wakes up in her bed and it was all a dream! THEN, on the radio you hear “the killer is loose,” which for some reason triggers her to walk way outside of her house and look around as the killer hilariously creeps right inside the door. She returns and gets her throat cut again. So basically, none of the movie happened except the last two minutes, which had already happened two minutes before that! UGGGHHHHHH. As infuriating as this ending is, it’s soooo insane that you just have to laugh. I mean, what in the fuck was the writer thinking? A dream? Kill me.
The technical aspects of the movie are pure shit. During the whole movie I couldn’t figure out if it was shot on 8mm, 16mm, video, or a fucking Game Boy Camera! The cinematographer must have been really nervous around all these “good-looking” babes, too, because the camera never can stay steady and goes in and out of focus constantly. You know that dream effect most TV shows and movies use? Well, I thought that was happening every other scene!
I do need to note that the killer should have gotten an award for eye performance. He has the most expressive and over-the-top eyes I’ve ever seen. With each frame he’s on the screen you get a sense of sheer terror because of his beady eyes alone.
As the box so proudly displays, the soundtrack is done by the 80s hair metal band Firstryke (of Last Slumber Party fame). The metal flows like blood in this movie, and the only thing sicker than the riffs is the sadistic mental patient who massacres these women!
^Could anything be more metal?
I was surprised to see the movie was directed by Stephen Tyler of Aerosmith, too. It seems unlike an insanely famous rock star to stoop so low. I was praying the entire time that “Sweet Emotion” would kick in and I’d wake up from my nightmare revealing Dazed and Confused was just starting. I’m never that lucky…
No matter how bad the movie technically is, it doesn’t mean I didn’t have a blast watching it. I’d even go as far as to say this deserves much more attention and appreciation then it gets. Most people write it off like it’s one of the worst movies ever made or something. If you think that’s even remotely true then you haven’t seen enough movies. This is fun 80s cheese that belongs in anyone’s horror collection.
The VHS was released through United Home Entertainment in a straight-to-video release to capitalize on their previous popular horror titles like Blood Cult and The Ripper. It’s a a cool tape to have, but not a very rare one. You can also get this movie on DVD in a double feature with Terror at Tenkiller, but trust me, with trash like this, VHS is the way to go (like always).